Neji Was Here
by bunrising
Summary: Life moves on for Tenten. But when Neji appears in her dreams, it reopens old wounds. (Still, if this is the only way to see him, then she'll do anything to go back to sleep.)


It's like being thrust out of a moving car.

That feeling, the impact of flesh on asphalt, is what wakes Tenten up. She lets out a choked gasp, heart pounding a frenetic rhythm against her ribs. At first, she's confused by the blanket entangled around her legs, but her eyes fall on her alarm clock—it's 3:27 AM. Of course.

The pillow feels damp beneath her cheek. Tenten squeezes her eyes shut, finds herself blinking away fresh, new tears.

It's because she had dreamed about Neji. He had been right there, right in front of her, and now he's gone again.

"Wait," she says, although it's muffled by her pillow, or maybe she hasn't even said it out loud.

She's already slipping back into her dream, eager to see him again, if only for a few more hours. Behind closed eyes, she can almost imagine the outline of him, but the more she tries to reach out into the darkness for something solid, like his calloused hands or the fabric of his sleeve, the more frustrated she becomes.

Her room is too hot, her blanket stifling. The patter of rain outside her window might as well be crashing cymbals.

And worse, Tenten can't return to her dream. The thought twists at her heart, wrings out more tears. It shouldn't be a big deal because it's just a dream, but she's reopened a wound that's fresh and raw. And it's like she's grieving for Neji all over again.

Eventually, a fitful sleep does envelop her, but it's dreamless. Hollowed out.

* * *

If Ino's surprised to see Tenten waiting outside the Yamanaka Flower Shop before it's even open, she doesn't act like it. Instead, she flashes a smile that's warm and welcoming, and she ushers Tenten inside.

"It's been forever since we've caught up," Ino says. "How's Lee? And Gai-sensei?"

Tenten rolls her eyes. "Those two are full of energy, as usual."

She loves them, but sometimes she can't keep up with their enthusiasm. Just last week, they decked out Gai-sensei's wheelchair with cardboard wings to see if he could fly.

(He can't, by the way.)

"And you?" Ino asks. "How've you been doing?"

Tenten knows she looks like a mess. Puffy eyes. Hair falling out of her buns. She's wearing yesterday's outfit, which is slightly wrinkled, and there's a tea stain at the edge of her sleeve.

"I've been better."

Ino plants her hand on her hip. "Yeah, no offense, but you look pretty bad."

It's blunt, but Tenten appreciates the honesty. She's missed that about Ino. And she misses chatting with her friends like this. It was easier when they were all genin, then chuunin, since their missions would often intersect. But they're branching out as they get older, following new paths. Hinata's not even a shinobi anymore.

"You look good, though." Tenten means it.

"It's a new mascara," Ino says, clearly delighted that she's noticed. "Imported all the way from Kirigakure. Apparently it's the same brand the Fifth Mizukage uses."

"Wait, I've heard of that brand! But it's so expensive." Her wallet feels lighter just thinking about it.

"That's why you have to buy my flowers," Ino says with a laugh. "Support my cause."

At that, Tenten is reminded of why she's made an early morning trek to the flower shop.

"Magnolias," she says. "I'd like a bouquet of them, if you have any in stock."

"No problem! Hold on."

Ino disappears into the lush foliage of the shop, leaving Tenten to hang around the front counter.

When he was alive, Neji hated coming into the Yamanaka Flower Shop because he was allergic to pollen. It was his one weakness. Well, that and curry.

Still, there was one time he'd given her this gorgeous arrangement of peonies, which perfumed her apartment for an entire week. She told him that she didn't want anything for her birthday, that they'd just go out to eat with Lee and Gai-sensei, and it was fine, really. But he'd shown up at her front door anyway with the peonies, his eyes red and nose sniffling.

First, she let out an exasperated sigh. Then she searched her cupboards for a vase and some allergy medicine.

"I can't believe you." She twirled a kunai in her hand before using it to cut the flower stems. "You hate flowers."

"But you don't," he said.

Neji was right, and she loved how the they brightened up her kitchen table. She thanked him with a quick peck on the cheek before dragging him out of the apartment. Their original plan was to spar in the training fields, after all.

Tenten can remember that day, which felt so mundane at the time, but it's now a memory spun into gold, precious to her.

"Alright," Ino says, reappearing with a bouquet that's fragrant and lovely and just what she wanted. "These are the best magnolias in the shop!"

Tenten finds herself tearing up a bit, which is strange because she's not the one with allergies.

"They're perfect. Thank you."

After Ino rings up the flowers, she pauses. "Tenten?"

"Is something wrong?" Is it her credit card? She does have some cash in her wallet, but she prefers charging purchases like these.

"No, it's just—let me fix your hair," Ino says. "You really can't go out looking like that."

She guides Tenten to the back of the shop, where there are a few fold-out chairs stashed by a row of lilies. Ino plops her down on one of the chairs, pulls out a hairbrush from her florist's apron, and gets to work.

It's nice, letting Ino take care of her. She's gentle, unhurried, as she brushes the tangles from Tenten's hair, humming one of those Konoha folk songs they've all grown up with. It reminds Tenten that even if Neji's gone, she isn't really alone. She still has Ino and Lee and everyone else in the village. And she's grateful for all of them.

"There," Ino says as she dabs some concealer under Tenten's eyes. "Much better."

"And I feel much better." She smiles, a real one. "Thank you."

Ino winks. "Don't mention it."

They head back to the front of the shop, and Tenten pauses at the front door. She turns to Ino, who's already examining the soil of a nearby hydrangea.

"Next time, let's catch up over coffee or something," Tenten says. "My treat."

She wants to keep in touch. With the others as well.

Ino looks up from her work, and her grin is contagious. "Alright, I look forward to it! And take care, okay?"

* * *

A single cloud. The rest of the sky belongs to the sun. It's already dried up any evidence of last night's rain.

"I know you hate them," Tenten says, "but I got you some flowers."

She kneels by Neji's grave and sets the magnolias down beside her. They really are lovely, so much that even Neji would enjoy them. Probably.

"It's my birthday next week, you know. I'm turning 24."

A few birthdays have already passed without him, each one drifting further and further from his reach.

"But it's fine. You don't have to get me anything."

At that, Tenten sits in silence for a bit. Her fingers run over his name etched into the tombstone. She imagines his presence is here, that he's listening to her.

So she tells him about Ino, who fixed her hair and makeup earlier today. About Lee, who, just a few days ago, accidentally set his green jumpsuit on fire and pouted for the rest of the mission because of it. And her plans to open up a weapons shop, fingers crossed, if she's able to receive a small business loan from the bank.

"There's so much going on," she says, "that I'm afraid I'll forget about you."

Neji doesn't answer.

"But I won't, okay? And feel free to visit me in my dreams again. I don't mind."

She wishes he'd answer her, even if it's just to bemoan the flowers. The breeze rustles the petals, which she pretends is his answer.

Tenten could wait longer for a real reply, the one that'll never come, but she should go. Lee's probably at the Hokage's office by now. They have a mission scheduled for tomorrow, and they're supposed to receive some intell on their targets as well as discuss a few logistics.

She still has the rest of the day ahead of her. And many more after that.

* * *

(Her most secret, most foolish wish? The wish she makes on every star and four leaf clover and birthday? To wake up next to him, to find out this is all just a long, terrible dream.)

* * *

**A/N: Thank you so much for reading! This was a bday gift to myself because I live for angst haha. And happy early birthday (March 9) to Tenten :')**


End file.
